Care for the dead: Death as a sensual experience

PZ: You launched the short film project "Coffin Stories" ten years ago. How did the videos, which are also available on YouTube, come about?

Benz: I wanted to give people small, easily digestible insights into the topics of death, grief, and burial, to give them more self-determination in their farewells. Moving images seemed like the right medium. They convey impressions that words alone often can't. The topic that has received the most clicks so far is: How do I care for a deceased person?

PZ: Many people may not know that this option exists…

Benz: For one thing, that's the case, and for another, they don't realize how beautiful this experience can be. To care for a deceased person, relatives can gather together, wash and dress them, and place them in the coffin together. Afterwards, they can place gifts, special items, or flowers with them. The time between death and burial is a crucial phase for those in mourning. Saying goodbye to a loved one with all their senses can be healing and powerful. It's a moment they'll keep in their hearts and one no one can take away.

PZ: What does this experience do to those who are grieving?

Benz: For many, it is quite gratifying. I often see people glowing They open their eyes and say how beautiful it was. Even if some are frightened the next moment because they wonder how joy can find a place in such a sad moment. But this also shows how all these Feelings should be allowed to coexist. I wish that at least everyone has the opportunity to experience this care—even if they ultimately decide against it. However, undertakers must inform people about such flexibility. Furthermore, those who are grieving need support, explanations, and space to feel how they want to say goodbye.

PZ: This experience can also help the mind to realize what happened, right?

Benz: In my experience, many people regret not having experienced funeral care. It's meaningful to experience with all of your senses that a special person has died and to notice: When I speak to them, they no longer respond; when I touch them, they feel cold; and when I look at them, I see how their skin has changed. This allows us to understand death not only with our heads but also with our hearts. It seems a little clearer to us why this person is gone and why this body will soon be buried or cremated. And that's something completely different from just seeing the urn later, attending the funeral service, and watching the burial.

PZ: So death as a sensual experience?

Benz: Yes, 'to grasp' comes from 'to touch'. I believe that when we confront death, we understand how precious and fragile life is. And I believe that once we realize this, we treat each other and our planet more lovingly. That's another reason why I wish more people would have this experience of caring for the dead—as you could also say—and not go straight from the news of the death to the funeral service.

PZ: In your experience, are there other aspects surrounding burial that many people are not aware of?

Benz: Yes, for example, that the funeral doesn't begin with the memorial service, but with a farewell – dying at home, in a hospice, or in the hospital. It's also possible to bring the deceased home from the hospital to say goodbye there. Or that relatives can accompany the deceased to the crematorium if they want to accompany the coffin into the furnace. It can be helpful to accompany the deceased through these stages. Fundamentally, I consider the time between death and burial to be a very important one, in which not only can much be planned, but in which many of the groundwork for the later grieving process is also laid. Unfortunately, many people spend less time on this phase than on the question of what the gravestone should look like in the end – even though one doesn't actually have to be placed. Incidentally, you don't need an outer urn either; you can also bury the urn containing the ashes from the crematorium.

PZ: Do people who are in a state of emergency after a death know what they need or what could help them?

Benz: It's often acted as if grieving people aren't entirely sane and can't make decisions in their crisis. But that's not true. They often know exactly what's good for them. As a funeral director, it's my job to create a safe space where people can decide calmly. Because there's plenty of time. People often mistakenly think everything has to be decided immediately, but it's okay to think things through or change their minds. Burial is a process; things are allowed to evolve. No one has to plan the funeral service at the deathbed. We always discuss the next step when it's there. Most mourners have a clear sense of what it should be. And that usually turns out to be exactly the right path. Rather, the environment often creates uncertainty—through well-intentioned advice or their own beliefs.

PZ: There is no script for such situations…

Benz: That's true. We all fall into an emotional crisis. We can only prepare ourselves to a limited extent for feelings, but we can at least prepare ourselves for the processes. Those who have previously familiarized themselves with the system and their own ideas, and who know what is permitted, feel less fear and powerlessness in an emergency. And they are also better able to defend themselves against structures that might want to intimidate them. Those who are unfamiliar with the situation cannot assert their rights. The fatal thing is that ignorance can lead to irreversible losses. In general, I would like to see institutions work together better to make life easier for those who are grieving. I am committed to bringing transparency and education into the culture of mourning so that people can say goodbye more independently.